I prayed. I put everything away. I ironed my clothes. I took my bath. I was fully prepared for the next day. I anticipated the meeting, thought about what I wanted to say. Everything was so laid out. I couldn’t think of anything that could get in my way. I thought, finally, this is it. I’m about to come out of this. Someone is finally going to give me a chance. Then I looked; I took a glance. I saw that my gas hand was only 2 miles from empty.
I texted my family group chat, ashamed that I had to ask. Can anyone send me any money for gas? I’ve got this job interview, and once I leave here, I’ve got to go straight around the corner to get some gas. Only one person responded. “$10.00 is all that I have”. I thought to myself, well, that’s fine. At least I can get home, and that buys me some more time to think of something else. I brushed it off and prepared myself. I made the call, notifying the team that I had arrived. I just needed instructions on parking and what to do about the time. “Ms. Gurley, any parking lot you find will do. You can park at any lot that you choose”.
I found a lot. In fact, I found plenty. They all wanted me to pay immediately and way more than a few pennies. I couldn’t do that because I was 2 miles from empty. The parking fee was $17.00 and some change. I asked someone else parking their car because surely this was a mistake. The gentleman I asked said, “No, it’s really what it says”. You have to pay to park for 12 hours or 24 instead. I thought to myself there must be some sort of mistake. I’m here for a job interview; surely, they don’t expect me to pay. I called back and tried to clarify with the person on the other end of the call. She said, “No, Ms. Gurley, that’s correct. There’s no mistake at all”.
You see, I just got $10.00, and that’s supposed to be for my gas; the problem is I can’t tell her that. Embarrassed, I called back and notified the team that I could not pay the fee. “Are you having problems with your card? Why can’t you pay the fee”? I froze. I paused. I didn’t say anything. I could not tell her that I can’t pay the fee because I’m 2 miles from empty. I can’t tell her that the temporary tags on my car have been expired since the end of July. I can’t tell her that I’m going 2 months behind on my rent. I can’t tell her that before I get paid, all of the money is spent. I can’t remind her that though I’m Comms, I’ve been substitute teaching. If you know anything about the pay of a substitute teacher, you know that I’m bleeding. The pay is low and far in between. You don’t make enough to do much of anything, not even take care of yourself. Even if you sub all 5 days a week, you will still need some help.
Good luck having 3 kids who also need you, too. One of those kids is autistic, nonverbal, and no matter how bad you want them to, your child can’t talk to you. I can’t tell her that I already have to pay a fee for childcare to go substitute every day. I can’t tell her that I took a risk just attempting to show up for this interview today because I’ve already been pulled over 4 times. I had to stop door dashing because every time I get in my car, I feel like I’m risking my life. I can’t tell her that I have nothing left in me to fight because I’m 2 miles to empty, and I only showed up today because I was trying to save my life.
Needless to say, she responded to my silence and said, “There’s nothing I can do about the parking fee. It’s expensive to park downtown. I can just cancel our meeting instead”. There was not another uttered sound. I thought of Smokey Robinson’s “Tears of a Clown” as my makeup-stained tears ran down my cheeks. I left still unemployed and still 2 miles from empty.
