Dear readers,  I know that it’s been a while. I feel the same way. It’s because I’ve been in this space. This place I’m in is pretty foreign. I’m assuming that this land is what people refer to as “normal.”

You see, for quite some time, there has been nothing. When I say nothing, I mean no real drama, chaos, or extreme levels of hurt and pain. I mean, I really have not suffered in a while lol! You have to understand this is not my norm at all. You better believe my complicated self has tried to destroy it, but I can’t.

Controlled chaos is my normal. Depression and anxiety are my norm. If these things didn’t come into my life naturally, I’d usually self-inflict, but as I said, I can’t seem to do it lol! Now that I’ve accepted this “normal” place as my new home, I figured I may as well try to get comfy in calmness. At the same time, I’m now wondering if I’m useless as a writer if I’m not in pain or drowning in sorrow.  Must I be going through the motions of life lessons to be of some use to the world?

I mean, I really have had nothing to offer you guys and feel horrible about it, but not really cause like I said, this new normal place just won’t let me feel bad, at least not for too long. So I’m thinking all these thoughts like gosh, I haven’t written a poem, song, blog, NOTHING! I must be useless without pain.

Then it hit me. I’ve got nothing because I’ve been going in circles. My silly self finally got healed, and I don’t know how to handle it. I’ve been applying my life lessons, yet still stuck somehow. It’s not because I haven’t learned or I’m not really healed, but because this is just how I’m used to being.

I was a hurt person for a very long time.  I developed ways & habits without even realizing it. What do you know, I’m still operating like a hurt person, and I’m not even hurt anymore. It’s no wonder this new land is so uncomfortable lol.

I made a list of my own seven habits I developed operating as a hurt person. I’ve forwarded my issues to my pastor lol! I’ll let you guys know when he gets back to me. In the meantime take some time to think about and write out your own habits of hurt that you may be operating in, making your new healed life feel strange. These habits may very well be the reason you haven’t moved any further after being healed.